After The Win
Or whatever this feeling is
We just shot for Mecca.
Which, objectively,
is a big deal.
The kind of job you imagine earlier on.
The kind you point to and say
“that’s where we’re going.”
-
So we got there.
Now what?
-
I thought it would feel different.
Like something would click
and I’d know what comes next.
-
But I don’t.
All I feel is pressure.
-
People work for me.
People moved countries
to be here.
And I feel that
in everything I do.
Every decision -
slower.
More careful.
-
But at the same time -
I’m trying to reposition us.
Premium. Yes.
Expensive. Also yes.
But that’s a choice.
-
I don’t want to compete on price.
I don’t want to be accessible.
If everyone can have you
you’re not a privilege.
You’re a convenience.
-
I want us to feel like a luxury.
Recognisable.
Intentional.
Like you can see the work
from across the room
and know it’s ours.
-
Because nobody is remembered
for being safe.
Or predictable.
Or easy to replicate.
-
While everyone else
is racing down -
I want to go up.
-
There has to be space at the top.
Even if it’s small.
Even if it’s uncomfortable.
-
And I know the money is there.
It always is.
You just have to position yourself
in a way that attracts it.
-
But here’s the part
I don’t really say out loud -
I don’t know
if I have the skills
to take us there.
Advertising.
Bigger campaigns.
A different level.
Do I know how to do that?
Or am I just hoping
I’ll figure it out
like I always have?
-
Lately,
it feels like everything is happening
at once.
5am calls in New York.
4pm calls in Paris.
Australia in between.
-
I’m tired.
Like -
properly tired.
-
I’ve been told
this level of stress
isn’t sustainable.
That it does something
to your body.
-
Now I have a specialist appointment.
Which feels…
dramatic.
But also,
probably overdue.
-
This year
I’ve been trying to throw out
my rulebook.
-
I used to be loud.
Very “in your face.”
Say everything.
Show everything.
-
Now I’m trying something else.
-
She doesn’t announce.
She whispers.
-
Which sounds nice in theory -
but in practice,
it’s really hard.
-
Because everything in me
wants to push.
To prove.
To be seen.
-
And now I’m trying to hold back.
To be more precise.
More intentional.
-
To let the work speak.
Not me.
-
But then I sit here -
after a job like Mecca -
and think -
Is this it?
Is this the thing
I was working towards?
-
Because if it is -
why don’t I feel clearer?
-
Maybe this is just
what it looks like.
-
Still standing.
Just a bit lost.
A bit tired.
A bit unsure
of what “up” actually is.
-
But moving anyway.
-
Because stopping
doesn’t feel like an option.
